A friend invited me for a night out at the Bandung theater. It was a traditional Sundanese comedic form complete with music, traditional costumes, etc. I was all keen on going until I found out that it didn’t end until 10pm. Which meant that I would have to drive my motorbike the hour back home after the standard feminine curfew…9pm! Pretty bahaya for an unaccompanied woman if you ask me. Yes, that’s right, bahaya means dangerous….or something you should really avoid. Someone once told me that if I ever was forced to ride unaccompanied after 9pm, I should really make sure that I was wearing a headscarf.
In a lot of ways, Indonesian morality reminds me a lot of what I imagine the U.S. to have been like in the 1950s. However, since I wasn’t around in the 1950s, this is just a hunch. My meaning is probably best illustrated by sharing some commonly held understandings of what women should and should not do. For example, it's a common saying that it's totally inappropriate for women to smoke. A female smoker clearly has loose moral standards, and is very likely a prostitute. Bahaya! Women who return home after nine (unless they are accompanied with a boy who has been interviewed by the family and deemed to be a suitable guardian) also have loose moral standards. Bahaya! Americans of course, are expected to break these rules, because Americans, as we all know, have NO moral standards. Indonesians know this, because they all have watched the movie American Pie, which, according to standard belief, is a highly accurate portrayal of American culture. Never mind the outcry that went up in America after the release of this film, because, let’s face it, it was a just a wee bit in poor taste. Also, do not date anyone in Indonesia, unless you have an intention of marrying them. Bahaya! Actually, in all seriousness, please let this be a warning to anyone coming here, who might think that there is such a thing as casual dating. In Indoland, it (mostly) does not exist. A kiss before marriage is like saying, “I do” (or, maybe an admission of being easy.) Of course, none of these rules apply to men. Men can return home as late as they want, smoke until they get lung cancer, and have a running line of girlfriends, all with no discredit to their name.
Despite Indonesia’s reputation for having very little gender discrimination, in my experience, a women’s role in life is to be a supportive wife to her husband, and a loving mother to her children. Indonesia probably gets its reputation for being “moderate” by once having a female president, though one might be suspicious of this on the grounds that she was not publicly elected, and she was the child of the first president…so it’s kind of like royalty. But Indonesia also probably gets this reputation because of the abundance of women in the workplace. Having children doesn’t preclude a woman from working; she most likely has a servant with whom she can leave the kids, or she can take them to work with her. However, work should never be an ambition for her. Her highest ambition should be to her family. Her biggest embarrassment would be not being a good wife to her husband; one of the signs of her devotion is always serving her husband his rice at meals. Men of course should be thinking of settling down too, but they can take their time about it. A 26-year-old woman who is not already married with kids, or even engaged, or worse yet…still single and not even prioritizing settling down, clearly has something wrong with her. She really should just get married already. That’s much more important than finishing school and choosing a profession. Life as we otherwise know it also pretty much ends after marriage. For example, let's say you were a professional dancer before you got married (the traditional type of dancing, not the hooker kind)...you'll probably give it up to be with your kids the moment you sign the marriage contract.
How do sexually liberated American men deal with this? Well, I have one friend who said he refuses to get involved with Indonesian women, ever since the girl he was dating had no conception of what a condom was. Others prefer to remain hopeless clueless. My other friend said, "When Indonesians start sending me messages saying, I love you, I want to be with you for the rest of my life, I figure they don't really mean it. How can they? We just met. So I just say it back to them. I loooooove you. I don't mean it either!" Personally, I'm convinced he's breaking a whole lot of hearts.
In any case, I opted not to go to the Bandung theater, in favor of an early showing of Pirates of the Caribbean. A show, by the way, which made me re-appreciate the magic and creativity of Walt Disney productions. Speaking of which, I’m really glad that Hans Zimmer wrote the music and not John Williams, who seems like the more common choice for that type of trilogy-adventure show. And even better than the movie, I was able to appropriately guard my feminine honor by being home safely by 9pm.
Although, if a career in ethnomusicology doesn't work out for me, I think I want to be a pirate. Embrace the Bahaya. Aargh!
Sunday, June 17, 2007
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